My story: Nuggets of wisdom ; How I overcame financial trauma.

When we talk about trauma, we mostly think of soldiers who have left the war and their PTSD; Children abused in their childhood and the significant sexual and emotional trauma they experience or a rape victim, and the effects that happen after enduring something gruesome.

Well, financial trauma, though a rarely discussed topic, is a very common trauma. It is familiar to at least each family that exists.
At one point or the other we or someone we know has had to deal with financial trauma.

Before I get so carried away, First things first.

What is financial trauma ?

Financial trauma refers to the emotional whirlwind one goes through when a family or individual goes through the loss of a job/income-generating activity and /or as a result get into debt. It can be influenced by a plethora of factors.

At the moment, this rings more true, with most companies having to downsize,or even close down during the covid -19 crisis; casual labourers not receiving wages because most projects have been halted, and so many other examples of people who have lost income during this crisis. And yes, there are individuals soaring through the crisis but the truth is, most people at this time are grappling with the reality of financial trauma.

I will begin by sharing my story. A while back, almost four years ago, I lost my income-generating activity. It almost happened in an instant. One minute I was downsizing, and the next I was closing up shop completely. At this point yes I was scared, but I have always been positive, so I went back to the drawing board, and planned on how to get back on my feet. Fortunately, I had a few savings.

Then, came an opportunity, I caught me at a time when I was desperate to make back money quickly, (I was raising my son on my own and there was no time to have a period where I wasn\’t bringing in income. ) Right now, when I think about it, I am more careful, more present when it comes to making the kind of rush decisions that I did. But yes, I got conned.

It was shameful then but right now to be honest, I am not as affected. Let\’s just say without going into too much detail. I still have a pending case as a complainant at the DCIs office, then it was the CID.

The panic really set in after I lost my savings, but that wasn\’t the end of it. I had developed good credit over the years. I had a bank account by 18 and I had been earning money all through my life so going to a bank and getting a loan was easy. I was in such a rush to get me back to what I felt was normal, that I wasn\’t taking time to breath. I applied for my loan and got it in about a month.

By this time, mentally, I wasn\’t in a great place but I didn\’t care. I figured if only I just got back on my financial feet everything would be okay. As luck would have it a crisis happened at home and I had to lend the money to my family member who promised to get me back instantly. As I had already begun to lose faith in myself, I figured at least someone can hold the money for me as I figure my next step and of course they would pay back.

Anyway, they didn\’t. Life also handed them a crazy blow. And, there I was, a single mother, with no income and in debt…. It wasn\’t a mind crushing debt but I had no way of meeting my basic needs let alone pay it back.
And that, my friends is my story of financial trauma. What comes next is a series of soul-crushing depression, guilt and self-destructive behaviour. But eventually, there is a triumph, I got to a place where I was able to pick myself up; especially mentally and emotionally.

So what are the effects of financial trauma ?

1. Personal self-worth deteriorates. We do, whether we like it or not, define our worth by what we can do for ourselves on our own and what we can do for others. Most of what we can do,( that counts in society), has a tendency to lean more towards finances.  So when we lose our finances we lose our self-worth.

2. Social distancing. I know! The irony! Considering we are facing a pandemic and a requirement is social distancing, yet an effect of financial trauma is a person\’s need to distance themselves from others. People tend not to empathize with one\’s circumstances, and the pity, ( which mostly exists in our minds), is unbearable. So people retreat into themselves.

3. Retreating to ourselves often causes depression. The untreated stress of financial trauma, accompanied by no outlet and solitude can slowly lead to depression. I cannot tell you the number of times I laid in bed hoping morning wasn\’t going to come.

4. Excessive substance abuse. If you are a social drinker, we all are aware of how quickly social drinking plus depression and trauma can lead to overindulging. The idleness as well doesn\’t help. And the need to escape reality becomes necessary. We sink straight into the bottle ( or whatever substance we do indulge in) to escape our reality as it is.

5. Gullibility. I should have begun with this. Despite the fact that there are probably worse things. I struggled with this effect so much. I had always fancied myself a very intelligent person, so when I was conned it really pushed me to a dark place and that took time and effort to come from. When I realised that this was an effect from financial trauma. I was relieved to find out that, it, was a common occurrence with most people once they experience financial trauma.

There are so many effects of financial trauma to go through; there is delusions of grandeur but that is on the very serious end of the spectrum.

But instead of really focussing on what financial trauma can do to us. How does one recover? How can one get back on their feet after experiencing financial trauma?

I know if you are reading this, and you have an inclination that you have experienced financial trauma. And you aren\’t yet healed. You think unless a financial windfall falls on your lap at this exact date and time, or someone pays off your overdue debts or even someone gives you a job right on the spot, how else can you recover?

I cannot promise you some new income-generating activity with a link at the bottom that will save your life, or a fancy job that will get you back on your feet but to cope through the trauma, and conquer it.

Here are some of the things I did and I learnt through the healing period.

1.Stop throwing yourself a pity party. It doesn\’t help. Yessss, it sucks , you lost your IGA, but at the moment, if there was something you could do to change that exact factor, you could, but we are here because you cannot. It is sad. It is unfair. But these things happen, and you just cannot wallow in pity. A positive attitude will get you through each day, however nagging the feeling of just giving up is. Don\’t give in to feeling sorry for yourself.

2. Avoid being idle. Trust me there is so much you can do. Read through and gather up information about your field of interest or things that you have always been hungry and curious about. Learn some new skills. Learn to cook, learn to do diy projects. And yes, this are obvious distractions from your reality. But it is better than being idle.

3. This experience makes you feel powerless. You have sent out your resume and no one is calling back. You have called those you know and no one can say anything for certain. Hell, if it\’s during this covid 19 crisis the whole world is at a standstill, so there\’s nothing you can do. But then now, focus on what you can work on. Can you conquer your goals on exercise, diet, physical activity. Those things that you can do over your life, please keep your energy directed at them.

4. Restrategise. Sometimes when plans don\’t go accordingly, stop paying attention to what was lost. Your future has no space for your past so let go and replan.

5. Get organised. Have your business ideas in writing and in business plans. Have your resume updated on all your platforms. Make sure everything is ready for when your breakthrough comes. Because believe me it\’s coming. No tentative time or date but you want to be ready for it.

6. Focus on your spirituality. Take this time to draw close to God. This is very essential. Definitely, my biggest rescue was rededicating my life to Christ.

6. Finally, avoid get rich schemes. Network marketing, pyramid schemes, trade and travel schemes ( like a certain someone ). Take your time. Don\’t be so desperate for opportunity, that you accept anything that comes your way.

We are in this life together.

I attach my energy to any word I write so I can inspire anyone reading it. And if you are reading this, know I am saying a prayer for you. You may not been dealing with financial trauma. But I still will say a prayer for you. And if you are in this. I am hoping your breakthrough is right around the corner. All those great ideas in your amazing brain, write them down research on them. When your time comes all you will need is implementation. If you require some guidance on the way forward, feel free to reach out to me and also to keep you going check out our Youtube channel to help you go through the tough days ahead.

Love, positive energy and light.