Sum total of the habits of the people around you. 

My best friend has been such a huge influence in my life and all I can say is before Rahedi and after Rahedi is such a huge difference. 

Considering we live, we work and we socialise together. It\’s safe to say he has a large influence over my life. 

The saying that you are the sum total of the people you spend most of your time around applies loads to his influence. Here\’s how: 

I am slower to respond. I had almost 25 years of quick response and impulsive decision making ( survival mode decision making) but when I met him, I noticed that he took more time with his decisions. Sometimes he would ask me to give him even a countable number of days to respond. It bothered me at first. But I noticed his results. He regretted less. He surrendered more. I borrowed that aspect. I am still mostly a type A who wants to get things done and done now but I take more time with decisions. I calm my body and mind down before I rush into anything. 

Exercise. My bestie comes from a very physically active background. He played tennis and was pretty good at it from the get go. His whole family is from the \”chebarbar\” nation. That influence I am so grateful for. I have been dragged to half marathons and hike runs and finally settled on an exercise regimen that worked for me. #home workouts 

It improves my mental health, increases my energy and generally makes me an easier person to be around. 

Family. The bestie has such a close connection with his family and it took me a second or two to understand the groove of that connectivity. That home base for my kids especially. To not just have family they see during holidays but a family that is invested in their lives. To have uncles and aunties who love them and are their friends and grandparents who want to be their friends. Family is important in building the self-esteem of children. Kids who have a large functional and involved family pattern have higher emotional maturity, confidence and resilience. So count me in. 

Showing up for others. As I said, family is a big part of my bestie\’s life. And he shows up when he can in big ways. And I am so glad to be his family too. Because if ever you want a cheerleader and a teammate he is unmatched on this earth. I learnt how to show up not just for my created family but my family of origin and as well my newly formed one who are his family. This wasn\’t something I considered important before, because I wasn\’t culturalised that way. But my! Am I glad. The blessing of living outside yourself is just the best 

Forgiveness. This was such a gift watching the bestie forgive the man who took his father\’s life. Literally. My bestie lost his dad a little over a decade ago from a stray careless bullet while doing his daily routine. 

This is the hardest forgiveness I can think of. A man who took your loved ones\’ life ? But I remember sitting one day across from my husband and he was saying that he had let go of the man. He had been intentional about praying for him. And trusting that God would allow the man to experience His mercies. 

If my bestie could forgive this, then everything else seemed so petty in comparison. Now my forgiving has been a long personal journey but I am aware of it\’s possibility.

Modelling character versus telling and hoping to change lives. None of the principles I have acquired from my bestie ever sit down and tell me to change. He honestly has never had even one complaint about me. Imagine none. I had my whole list of things to do for him and he was perfectly content. But through his behaviour I found myself in a desire to adopt peace and stability. The best way is to influence. 

I have even brought this into my parenting. Instead of always directing, how about modelling. How about showing up as who you are, who you would love to show up for you and the rest is ultimate surrender. 

Share if someone you love has influenced your life for the better. 

These principles have really helped me improve my mental health and just become a better human. Our characters are a sum total of the habits of the people around you. Vet the people who surround you and check for any similarities you\’ve noticed with yourself. Would you like to see more articles related to personal growth? Click here.