How to : Be Confident

I am of the opinion that being confident is not on a scale.

Yes, there may be some trajectory to its definition for you as you evolve, but Confidence is one of those things that if you are doing it right, you choose to have it or you just do not possess it at yet. Surveys, questionnaires and research has been done and recognized that almost seventy percent of women struggle with low self-esteem.

For a long time, I was part of the seventy percent. I had derived false confidence over the years in my intelligence, my work and my skill, hell even at a point there I derived it from my own appearance, but I realized quickly that when anything could happen to threaten the things that I had rooted my confidence in, it would slowly melt away. And that was because it was faulty confidence, it was fake confidence.

I always say that I am on a journey, so even though confidence in its true nature is unalterable, I am learning new things about myself and shedding off old habits that get me to a better place with my confidence.

Here is how you can be truly confident

1. Base your confidence on something higher than material things or frivolous objects. See if your confidence is based on how much money you earn, the car you drive, the physical appearance you were blessed with, it will quickly disappear because none and I mean none of these things are permanent. Your age will affect your appearance, your intelligence will always have a greater, your money will always have someone with more, your salary and earnings can quickly change. Possessions quickly come and go.

I for one, draw my confidence on the fact that I am a born again Christian wholly tasked with the job of being a better person daily. I give life my all, so even when I fall short I don\’t lose my confidence because I know I came from a place of love. Volunteering what you do have, whether be it time, money etc can be an amazing ego booster. Being a person of integrity can do wonders for your confidence because as you strut through the world, you know you are doing your based. No one can shame you for that.

2. Acceptance.

That single word. Is the change that you need. In Sobriety and alcohol and drug recovery, they have a serenity prayer. It basically says that they are asking for the grace to accept the things they cannot change, change the things that they can and the wisdom to differentiate the two. I watched a TEDx video on a woman who was talking about her journey to confidence and how in her words, it had been fine and healthy until slowly voices from outside felt the need to tell her about her weight and how it would deter her from the life of her liking. We have been told or we have decided on our own that something or things about us are sub-par and somehow we think that that stops us from being fully what we desire. With self-reflection, we find out things about us warts and all. And we should learn to embrace them in the present fully. Even though there are things we want to change, we have to take ourselves as we are, the full package. Love the package for what it is and its potential. Acceptance breeds confidence

3. Eliminate the Imposter syndrome

You ever felt like other people who you have idealized are somehow more human than you? If you have, stop it right away. Thinking other people are more worthy or ourselves less worthy confuses our self worth and takes away confidence. Truth is, as humans with experiences and faulty thought processes, we are all alike. We all probably wouldn\’t be deemed worthy if people saw the state of our hearts and our minds but if you are consistently getting better at life then you belong exactly where you want to be. You are worthy. Just as worthy as anyone else there.

4. Learn to respect everybody

Did you know that disrespect is a version of extreme self-loathing? People treat others as less than because something about this person reminds them of something they perceive as faulty in them as an individual ( the perpetrator of disrespect). Once you learn to respect yourself, It is easy to pass along the respect to everyone, those who mirror your flaws or your fears, love them and embrace them. Learn to treat the shoe shiner and the CEO with the same level of respect.

5. Make peace with the fact that you may not be everybody\’s cup of tea.

I enjoy mutuality so much and so for me this was a struggle until I began to empathize with people\’s pain, their journey, their confusion and their self-loathing which I wanted no part antagonizing. Make peace with the fact that peoples treatment of you is not a reflection of your worth but more as a mirror held up to whoever is being disrespectful. So do not take respect personally, focus on the what is to your liking and the rest is just white noise. Take away your need to be liked because in this world, that can never happen, even those that do love us may not always be fully on your side. Stop seeking validation and asking everybody for an opinion.

6. Have a firm belief system

To avoid people-pleasing and the annoying habit of always worrying about who does or does not like you, develop a thick skin and that can only happen if you have your own value system. A strong-rooted set of truths that you exist by. So if you receive any feedback that doesn\’t align with your system you can quickly make peace because you know your identity already, you know what you do or do not stand for.

7. Stop comparing yourself

They say comparison is the thief of joy. One minute you could be so grateful and excited about your life, but as soon as you compare it to another\’s you find yourself angry, sad, dissatisfied or all of the above. The only person who is your competition is the person you are becoming, who is an extension of who you are so there is no negativity because you respect the journey. Learn to make peace with what you do have, practice gratitude meditation constantly even as you visualize things you do want.

I hope your journey to self-discovery and self-love keeps on growing. If you are trying to achieve true unshakable confidence, I would strongly suggest utilizing this. As always talk to us,book a session and begin your journey of getting you back to being confident.

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