In order for a relationship to work properly, Family, Romantic, Professional or just Social, there is a need for authentic assertive communication to happen.
Relationships, where we can communicate our wants and needs effectively and have them received just as easily, are prime for growth, prosperity and peace. And if that doesn\’t sound like the most fulfilling life.
Not only is authentic assertiveness about seeking to communicate our needs. It is as well the ability to allow other people to do so guiltlessly and with an empathetic audience.
1. Work on communication together – for assertiveness to work properly, both parties need to be on board. Working together to achieve mutual goals.
2. Lean on each other (intimacy) – intimacy is a great way to allow for safety. Sharing your lives in the present and stories of your life in the past, also sharing plans for the future can bond you in a big way.
3. Self-awareness – knowing what you are really feeling, processing your emotions and serving them through facts that govern your life will allow you to know and communicate your needs and wants.
4. Develop emotional vocabulary – most of the time we know exactly what we are feeling and experiencing on a subconscious level but we lack to words to communicate those needs effectively. Learning vocabulary to express yourself allows one the freedom to say exactly what they mean. It\’s also great if both of you can have agreed-upon meanings of certain words and emotions. So when one uses a specific word, there is no misunderstanding.
5. Finding a mutual Value system – a firm value system that has foundational principles that align. When you have that, you can build on the existing foundation. Misunderstanding is rare because what you have at the core is present.
Knowing what you want your life to look like now and in the future can also allow both of you to focus on the bigger picture.
6. Learn to forgive often and intentionally – imperfection is part of the journey. It\’s actually part of the beauty. Forgiving hearts draw nearer constantly. Also, continuous forgiveness, motivated healthy people to keep on working on themselves
7. Encourage progress 😊 – Instead of dishing criticism always take time to consistently mark progressive steps. Compliments are a great way to create safety and security
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8. Create a safe space for communication – assertiveness is not just to be heard but to hear. A key component is creating safety in conversation. Being a good listener for both parties, learning to bring up a conversation at opportune times. Respecting each party\’s opinion and feelings and validating them constantly even when you don\’t agree.
9. Practice – Maybe assertiveness is not your default setting but it\’s a very necessary tool to have in your arsenal. Here is where the growth mindset comes in, that even though you weren\’t raised to be assertive, you can learn to do so comfortably by continuous practice.
10. Maintain confidentiality – learn to always be a confidant, confidence can build or break a good bond. The best way to look at confidence is to do as you would like done to you.
11. Deal with issues as they happen – have a culture of consistent communication that breeds an authentic experience. No resentment and underlying issues. It also allows for each issue to be sorted at a time instead of piling on many issues.
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Work together with your partner.
Reach out to a therapist to work on teaching you how to develop assertiveness at work, at home and in life.
