UNSPOKEN – Men suffering in silence

Despite the fact that men cover a less percentage of the mental health disease population, they are still the leading gender in fatal suicides. Men are constantly suffering in silence.

Men generally in almost all cultures, even in modern society don\’t seek help in matters mental or physical health, until the last minute or do not get any type of mental health assistance at all.
Society has a big role to play on why men will not seek assistance. The way generally we view mental health issues, as signs of weakness, we can give a pass to the \’fairer sex\’ but on a man, society would not want to understand why a man would talk about his anxiety or depression.

Women generally have healthy outlets, ( a support system of people they can share with, easy access to counselling services) most of men\’s outlets are just toxic ( promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, violence), just to name a few.

Men are plagued from a young age by an invisible burden to be strong which supposedly will mean them \’handling\’ their emotions. Unfortunately beyond handling emotions, there isn\’t much tutorage for the grown man to understand what that even entails. Toxic dysfunctional tendencies are passed down from generation to generation of men who have a very unhealthy view of mental health care and \’handling\’ emotions.

The burden to be the \’stronger\’ gender, the burden for the provision and when they do not amount to all of these they are considered less than.

A good example would be If someone goes through something like sexual abuse. Women come to terms a little easier, a little better and are more open with such experiences but men on a larger number would rather die than admit this perceived failing despite the fact that things aren\’t even that way. How we view similar issues as a society on what entails abuse to men is different from what we categorize as abuse to women.

When a man goes through something complex like a loss of a loved one or loss of employment or even betrayal by a partner. He barely gets a pat on the back before people expect of him to figure out a miraculous way to sort out his present predicament. Yet biologically, neurologically we all have reactions to external pressures, yes, man or woman traumatic events will affect us and we should not continue suffering in silence.

When I met my husband, we were both going through a lot with our mental health, I knew I was, but the shocker was he didn\’t even for a second perceive that his problems were mental. The way society had crapped on him, he figured all he needed were just a few adjustments here and there and he would be perfect again.

It took us a minute but I got him to see that there is always a reason behind what we are going through and loved him as I did, the only help I could give him was to ask him to speak to someone. Someone whose opinion he could care less for.

The honest truth is that showing what he had been inbred to believe was a weakness to someone who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was going to be a tougher huddle. So we settled on a counsellor neither of us knew someone who he could go through the process of healing with.

I have seen my husband blossom in his mental health journey it makes me prouder than anything else I care to imagine at the moment. I cannot explain how good it makes me feel to know that he took control of his life in such a brave way. He honestly does a better job as a mentally fit person than I do sometimes, scratch that, he does a better job than anyone I know.

But I noticed that whatever factors that had led him to where he was, hadn\’t changed. He still had a society barking at him every ten seconds to take up mantles that weren\’t his to bear, people who expected everything from him without checking in on how capable he was to do it. I hadn\’t really watched an adult man\’s life in person before his, and when I watched his, it made sense why even the most well-adjusted person I knew would lose it. It seemed that the world took and took and took from my guy and all they needed was for him to plaster on a mask to show he was fine because he was handling his business.

I once told my husband simple words. I couldn\’t fix society and every other individual in his life but with me, the mask didn\’t need to be on. He didn\’t need to front with me. If he needed peace I would give him exactly that, if he needed to process his thoughts as well, that I had to be fair to give him. If he needed to talk and a shoulder to lean on, then that\’s exactly who I would be to him.
He had spent a lot of moments being my rock and no one else in the world was his. So it became my duty to remember to check on him every so often.

Unfortunately, I cannot change a world\’s perception overnight. But a toxic view of mental health for men and their freedom to speak out when need be judgement-free, is a luxury I offer the men in my life. My husband, my son, my clients. We cannot send men to their graves with lifestyle diseases, suicides, and just a general lack of wellness because we will not change. Let them speak with ease. Their stories shouldn\’t be UNSPOKEN.

COUNSELLING (TALK THERAPY), LIFE COACHING AND SOBRIETY COACHING

If you or someone you know is suffering from mental disease, ranging from depression, anxiety and trauma recovery. Use the link below to directly chat with me, a trained Counsellor and Life Coach. To read more about mental health topics check out our blog here and also our Youtube channel.